I just found out that it's National Hispanic Heritage Month. I hope I don't get kicked out of the club.

I guess it started Sept. 15 and lasts through Oct. 15. Whose idea was it for it to span two months? It's very confusing. We should renegotiate with the Calendar Council (or whichever governing body presides over these matters) and secure the whole of October instead.

It would be a delightful double whammy for me, since my birthday is also in October.

I would get an entire month to celebrate my heritage (Mexican father, Chicana mother) as well as a day wholly devoted to my life in general.

Who should I contact to make this happen? Who is the Hispanic with the most clout? I suspect it's either Alberto Gonzales or Slater from "Saved by the Bell." Hmmm.